Dear Lenny,
I am about to graduate high school. Am I too old to go trick or treating?
Thanks,
Senior
Dear Senior,
Truthfully you’re approaching the age where you should put down the pumpkins and indulge in some Piracy. Thankfully, you and your crew can still hang out. Maybe you can watch some great horror movies like “The Fog” or “Pirates of the Caribbean.” These are two of the best horror movies to ever exist. On my right eye, you’ll love it.
Sincerely,
Lenny The Pirate
Dear Lenny,
I just got injured and think I peaked early. Help me please!
Sincerely, Peaked
Dear Peaked,
I know you feel. There are times when I got weeks without blundering a ship. I would look inward and focus on your weakness. If you’re worried about sports, get back into the gym and keep moving forward.
Sincerely,
Lenny
Dear Lenny,
What is the true reasoning for not bringing food back onto campus?
Sincerely,
Doordasher
Dear Doordasher,
The true reason for not bringing food on to the campus is yer McDonalds could cause other pirates to raid our ship. Its delicious smell makes Riverside very vulnerable and can cause enemy pirates to sail up from the Eno to get raided for yer food. This could cause a major distraction in 3rd and 4th periods and no one wants that.
Best,
Leonard
Dear Lenny,
The NBA season is about to start soon, I was wondering what team you’re rooting for.
Sincerely,
NBA Fan
Dear fanatic,
My allegiance has always been to the Big Apple, The Empire City, the reigning defending NBA champions. The garden right out of Manhattan, the New York Knicks, I’ve seen the Knicks walk the plank and lose for 53 straight years. I could’ve circumnavigated the world 17 times in that time. Thankfully, the Knicks were favored by Neptune and hauled in a championship. Another one on the way, and just in case you didn’t know – Knicks in 5.
Yours truly,
Lenny Brunson
Dear Lenny,
I’m an athlete and my grades are dropping. How do I balance my school and athletic life?
Sincerely,
Student Athlete
Dear Student Athlete,
Yer issue is you are suffering from burnout. Even me, the hardest working pirate in the sea, struggles with it. My old mate Edward Teach took some time off to relax in the Bahamas. He ended up becoming a historially notorious pirate.
Balancing looting and finding treasure chests can even get hard for me sometimes. I recommend taking some time for yourself and regulating your goals.
Go take a nap,
Lenny Anunoby
