Senior, Lana McIlvaine, as a child, posing for awards. Photo by Lana McIlvaine.
Take me back to 2017, so I could tell my 11-year-old self to not stress about the things you cannot control and stop rushing through the life you have.
As a high school freshman, I was ready for college. It was something that I had been thinking about for many years before that point, as soon as I learned what the “Ivory” League was in fifth grade.
I have achieved many accomplishments and will walk across a stage with enough cords and stoles to last a lifetime. But I am not convinced that giving up so much of my time was worth the pieces of string that will hang around my neck.
In a few months, I will end up at the same place several of my peers will be, alongside thousands of other students from across North Carolina and the world.
I think I would have treated myself with more grace if I had known that everything would work out the way it is supposed to from the start. Maybe I would have dropped playing for abusive coaches sooner, or picked up one less club if I knew that quality over quantity was more important.
But maybe, I should stop worrying about the things I cannot control. Maybe I can learn to set my boundaries and eat it too.
Overthinking everything, and forcing myself to become “the best” only stole away energy and precious time. That includes the 89 on a quiz instead of a 100, and the girls who refused to let me eat lunch with them during sophomore year.
Thank goodness I know how to set a boundary or two nowadays, something I most certainly will carry with me to college.
I wrote an essay about “legacy” a while ago, and find it fitting to apply that here. The legacy I will leave behind Riverside will not last forever. If you open a yearbook from five, I promise you will know nothing about the accomplishments of the faces on those pages. It is difficult to tell ambitious kids that what they are doing will never feel like enough.
What I have found to be the most important constant is perspective.
Going through difficult times will remind you of why you are here, whether that’s your family and friends, or reading a good book on a weeknight. While it is certainly important to work hard and make good decisions, there are certain things that are simply out of your control.
Knowing that my peers and I will be going exactly where we belong reaffirms my belief that life is to be experienced and enjoyed, not rushed or stressed.
