Durham is expecting freezing temperatures and potentially icy roads this week, and residents are bracing for this disaster.
“I went to Harris Teeter right away,” said senior Ranon Greyber. “I bought 10 loaves of bread, but I’m not sure if it’s enough.”
Senior Grace Lowder preps her car with an ice pick, a blowtorch, and two sticks to rub together to create a fire.
“I was here for the Eternal Winter Everywhere of 2013, and I’m never getting into my car without a blowtorch again,” Lowder said.
Duke Energy told Durham residents to prepare for power outages in an automated phone call yesterday: “Please be prepared for up to three weeks of power outages that might affect any and all Durham neighborhoods, based on who we care most about helping. We will be investigating this issue slowly because we are busy trying to evade climate laws.”
Residents have searched for solutions to the power crisis.
“I bought a generator, drove home, then drove back to buy a backup generator. You can never be too careful,” said senior Genesis Crawford.
“I own 200 flashlights,” said senior Ray McCloskey. “I just like to do my part for the community and hand them out. When I see someone on the street begging for money, I give them a flashlight instead.”
Glendale Avenue has been covered three inches deep in salt.
“The snow will not be touching our road,” said Glendale resident Noli Trogdon, holding up a shovel.
“No one said anything about a tornado, but you can never be too careful,” said social studies teacher David Norman from an underground bunker in his backyard. “I’ve dipped into my Apocalypse Fund and made an investment in one thousand packets of freeze-dried food. This seems like a lot, but if the world ends, I’ll be the richest person in the Triangle.”
Durham Public Schools has decided to delay the start time of all schools.
“At DPS, safety is our number one priority,” district leaders announced in an automated phone call to parents. “We will not let a single student slip on ice. Students must complete all of their assignments from home.”
