“Am I the scallywag for failing my entire class?”
DEAR LENNY,
Am I the scallywag for failing my entire class? I assign my students one eleven-page packet each day, twenty pages of notes for homework, and require them to write a summary of everything they learned this week, all due on Friday. Now, I know they have demanding schedules but they should be able to get it done. During class, instead of teaching I ramble on about random topics. I recommend finding videos online when a student asks for help (but they are blocked by DPS). If my students aren’t excelling it’s because they are lazy! What should I do?
Sincerely,
Inconsiderate
DEAR INCONSIDERATE,
I know it’s been centuries since you attended any sort of school, so it might be hard for you to be able to connect with students on a deeper level than just being the brunt of all their jokes that compare your skin to that of a reptile. While your argument that students who choose to get involved in other things need to be able to manage their time is fair, you need to consider students who don’t have a choice in their after school duties including, taking care of students, working a job to help support their family, among other obligations. Managing adult responsibilities alongside being a teenager and having homework is not an easy task. Having students with plenty of time who choose not to do work is completely different than students who need some extra support. Remember that just because you’re old and set in your ways does not mean they are the best ways to go about things.
Sincerely,
Lenny the Pirate
“Can you help me overcome my frustration and fight the urge to push people out of my way?”
DEAR LENNY,
I hate slow walkers. I feel like we need to institute a minimum speed limit in the hallways. I understand why people fight in the bathrooms. When someone comes to a dead stop where I’m walking, I want to throw hands, too. Why do people walk so slow? Can you help me overcome my frustration and fight the urge to push people out of my way?
Sincerely,
Aggravated
DEAR AGGRAVATED,
I feel the same way about certain blimey barnacles. While your frustration is targeted at the students with the pace of turtle, it could be stemming from a bigger issue. Perhaps the class you are in such a rush to get to is one with a teacher who is super strict about being even a few seconds late, or one where you know you have a lot of work to get done. It’s important to recognize your stressors so that you know how to manage your reaction to them. Remember that at the end of the day you will not be worried about the guy who had to assert his dominance by making out with his girlfriend in a sea of people who could care less about his relationship status. When you are in a moment of feeling like shoving someone out of the way, take a deep breath, maintain control of your body and remind yourself that it is not the biggest deal in the world if it takes you a little bit longer to get to class. The little things get to me, too, but all it takes is a quick reminder to myself and I can take a step back from the edge of the plank. Best of luck getting to math on time!
Sincerely,
Lenny
“I would like to experience my first Thanksgiving where I don’t have to plug my nose before I take a bite of food.”
DEAR LENNY,
Every year my mom makes the same bland casserole and always over cooks it. I would like to experience my first Thanksgiving where I don’t have to plug my nose before I take a bite of food. Do you have any recipe recommendations that we can make instead?”
Sincerely,
Flavorless
DEAR FLAVORLESS,
I know what it’s like to sit down to a feast, ready to demolish a masterpiece of a meal, just to be met with an unappealing disaster. I remember one year, I was anticipating my grandma’s mac and cheese, which goes perfectly with her turkey, cooked just right. Then my aunt handed me a plate of her newest recipe, a mixture of greens and eggs that smelled faintly of peanut butter and was seemingly over and undercooked at the same time. That mess was worse than any crime I ever committed on the Seven Seas. So this year, I’d recommend my family’s most secret treasure, passed down through generations of raiders, the perfect replacement for your mom’s foul casserole.
Sincerely,
Lenny
